Struggling these days to learn
Repentance
in a life filled with guilt.
How could I fail again?
I knew better than that!
Will people ever trust me again?
why can't this ugliness be erased
so people will think well of me
so God will think well of me.
But sin is a permanent past
my guilt, regret and self loathing
my prison.
Sin whispers
"oh, well... you've done it already
what difference does it make now?"
Pride shouts
"Stop it. Stop it right now!
Turn over a new leaf and be perfect.
You can do it."
so I run to catch up with my Cross Bearer
beg to take the burden out of His hands
but mine cannot hold it
because they are holding hammers.
The nails go down deep in His hands.
Face to face with my filth I understand
This is not the story of a good woman
who makes some mistakes
this is blood covered death and rebirth
Baby sized dependence.
The blind, lame, deaf and dumb
crying "Rabbi! Teacher! Master!"
This is resurrection morning
the impossibility of new life
the reality of perfection
It is Finished.